


He Hated Himself.

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Denial, F/M, M/M, Multi, Sad, Self-Hatred, one-way love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:50:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Gerard wasn’t in love with Frank. Frank was his best friend, and Frank was in love with Jamia.





	He Hated Himself.

**Author's Note:**

> i just jumbled this out because i’m going through something like this and ugh
> 
> ive been working on some smuts since that’s what everybody reads but i never get around to finishing them

Gerard had to will himself to not fall in love with Frank. It was weird how one day, Gerard hated Frank down to the bone, twisting his guts and spitting down his throat, and the next day, he would do anything just to see Frank inhale. 

Frank was with Jamia. Gerard was Frank’s best friend. It wouldn’t be right to fall in love. It was wrong to have these feelings, not because Frank was a man, but because Frank trusted Gerard with everything. Falling in love would only bias his feelings. 

So he kept it platonic. Every thought of Frank was a punishment on his mind, making him feel sick and forcing himself to block his thoughts. Not to mention, the younger man was far too good for Gerard. He was skinny and beautiful, well built. Gerard was soft and disproportionate. 

He had known the forbidden attraction all too well, for it was the main category of romances he had associations with. So he tried to distance himself. Tried to stop being close. Tried to plan ahead to be away from Frank. It was obvious Frank would never feel the same, anyway. 

But Gerard wasn’t in love. He just wasn’t. He couldn’t be. Maybe Gerard just wanted to be in love with Frank? 

The romantic feelings never existed when he was around Frank. Only in thought, when far away. He would definitively curse himself for having such thoughts. And poor Jamia, his other best friend. She trusts Gerard. Gerard loves Jamia, too. Not in the way he doesn’t want to love Frank in, but those feelings existed once before, too. 

Another person was involved, but he’d been long disregarded after Frank and Jamia’s month-long breakup. Gerard was the one who encouraged them to get back together, for they were both so broken without each other. 

Sometimes Gerard looked back to the night they broke up, where after Jamia told him, he walked away and cried. Nobody saw Frank for the rest of he night and Gerard couldn’t help but feel that it was his fault. He was the destruction of Frank’s life and happiness. 

Distance. Distance was the only answer. 

He continued to distance himself, but that only made him more anxious. More obsessive. More conscious. He needed to stop. He felt so weird about himself. 

He hated himself. 

So, in conclusion, Gerard didn’t love Frank. Gerard denied every thought of being romantically involved with Frank. But, in the back of his mind he knew that he was in love with Frank. And for that, 

he hated himself.


End file.
